The Bad News fell to ‘5 Dollar Haircut’ by a score of 13 to 1 in the bottom of the 6th inning.
With a girl that couldn’t catch in left field and a guy wearing tapered blue jeans at first base the Bad News had high hopes early on. When asked what he thought The Bad News' chances were, Coach Nash stated “Yeah looks like we have a good shot tonight; they don’t look very strong in the field and have a guy wearing blue jeans at first.” By the bottom of the fifth, with '5 Dollar Haircut' leading by 8 runs, Coach Nash realized their tactic stating “How did I miss this, these jerks are deploying Blue Jean diplomacy.”
(Blue Jean diplomacy is a strategic humiliation tactic whereby a team has one of its members wear stupid, ridiculous looking blue jeans; this in turn gives the opposing team a false sense of assurance in victory, because hey ‘look at the other team, they have a guy with stupid blue jeans on.’ After a few innings, however, the opponent realizes that they are facing a legitimate team, but it is too late for a come back, leaving the opponent humiliated, because they are nonetheless, being beaten by a team that has a player wearing stupid, ridiculous looking blue jeans).
With a score of 13 – 0 going into the bottom of the 6th, the ump politely advised the Bad News that three runs were needed in order to advance to the 7th. One run was recorded from a pair of doubles by Nash and Jason Bergen, but the rally didn’t stay afloat, thus ending the game, and crushing the Bad News and Bad News Nation's dream of the ever elusive Grand Championship.
Next Game: The Bad News jump back into the regular season next Monday, 7/28, 7:15pm at DeWitt Clinton against team #31.
After losing to Team Tuttle in mid-May, the Bad News was able to make the necessary adjustments in the playoffs, blanking the team that knocked them out of the bracket last year, winning by a score of 6-0 at the East River Drive fields.
Through four innings, the Bad News operated with the slimmest of margins, thanks to an RBI single from Frank Stingone. But the fifth inning was when the News were able to break the game open: Andrew Vaupel, in his only post-season at-bat, hit a frozen rope to left centerfield. The ball took a mad, crazy hop over the fielder's shoulder and Vaupel ran around the bases like someone was chasing him. After the game, he admitted, "It should have been scored a double and an error." Debatable, but in the Bad News' book, there was no question about putting another three runs up on the board.
Pat O'Leary added his own two-run homer to put the game out of reach, and he, along with Damian "El Capitán" Nash each have four hits and a home run in two post-season games thus far. Also not to be overlooked was the pitching of David "You Can't Hit This and You Know It" Dacosta, who recorded his second shutout in a row.
Last year, the Bad News won the regular-season meeting with Team Tuttle, only to lose to them in the second round of the post season. It's poetic justice (or Chantharaj Prophesy) that after losing to Team Tuttle in this year's regular season, the Bad News was able to complete the symmetry, and triumph in this postseason's second round.
The good times didn't end as the victors trekked through the projects to Royale for some fine burgers and even finer Pork Slaps (that's a brand of beer, what else would it be?). Not sure where the losers trekked. Probably some loser bar that didn't have Pork Slaps.
Next game: The Bad News hopes to continue its magical run through the postseason on Monday at 6 p.m., facing another divisional winner, TBD, at the Coleman Oval.
Despite numerous ducks left on the pond, the Bad News were victorious in their first round playoff game against Innovation, by the score of 4-0, providing another proof point to support the old adage that, “Defense gets you through the playoffs.”
Defensively, the Bad News defense allowed no runs over the course of the full seven-inning contest. Han Lui, a homeless man and a regular at Coleman Oval softball games, said that, “[The Bad News] were straight up tight in the field. O’Leary had a hell of a day at short, and Marino made some nice catches out in left.” And Julie Murphy turned in one of her best defensive outings of the year, with Lui adding, “The Murphster was in the zone. She caught two foul tips for outs. The best catcher the league has ever seen, and this game proved it.”
On the offensive end, the Bad News bats were strong, but struggled to bring runs across the plate, leaving 11 men in scoring position over the course of the game. Said Matt Rinaldi, a local skateboarder and Bad News fan for all three years of the team’s existence, “Yeah, their bats were on, they just couldn’t bring it home. They’ll need to be clutch if they want to make it through the next round.” O’Leary and Marino went a mammouth 6-for-6 at the plate, with Rinaldi commenting, “Flica flica flava.” When asked about Frank Stingone’s Ted Williams-like run for .800, Rinaldi concluded that, undoubtedly, “Frank-the-Tank is the mothaflippin.”
Next game (Updated!): As an eerie sense of déjà vu continues to settle over the 2008 playoffs, the Bad News will face No. 1 seed Team Tuttle (the 5-3 winner over the New York Daily News) in the Division Finals on Wednesday, at 7:15 p.m. at East River Drive Field No. 7.
The Bad News hope to shake off it’s annual second-round slump, and bring home a division trophy. With the way their defense is keeping runs -- and David DaCosta’s era -- to a minimum, it may not be much longer until Jim Malkin has to start constructing a trophy case.
TEAM 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 FINAL I 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 SM 1 1 1 1 0 0 X 4
PLAYER AB R H RBI BB AVG* D Nash OF 4 1 3 2 0 .750 A Korney 3B 4 0 0 0 1 .000 P O'Leary SS 3 1 3 0 0 1.000 J Murphy C 3 0 1 0 0 .333 F Crisafulli 1B 3 0 2 1 0 .667 N Chantharaj OF 3 0 0 0 0 .000 F Stingone OF 3 0 2 0 0 .667 K Laughlin OF 3 0 0 0 0 .000 D DaCosta P 3 2 2 0 0 .667 J Marino OF 3 0 3 1 0 1.000
In the ho-hum early game of a late-June doubleheader, the Bad News dispensed with Silver Lining by the score of 11-2. Not that it was needed, but the News may have been given an inadvertent assist from the umpire, who called the game after five innings. The ump's explanation to the whining Lining was a combination of time being out and creative math, as it appeared he had the Bad News ahead by 10 runs, thus bringing the Mercy Rule into effect.
Danny D’Amico had a strong game, going 2-for-3, with two runs scored and driving in four -- including a bases-clearing single that put the game out of reach in the late innings. Jay Bergen, Franc Crisafulli and Frank Stingone all also drove in a pair, and in a return from Accounting Conferences Unknown, Pat O’Leary pitched solid games in both contests.
In other news, I've been turning to the New York Post this past week for all my coverage of A-Rod's failing marriage, after the hated New York Daily News triumphed in the late game for a second year in a row over the Bad News -- this time, by the score of 6-2. The Bad News was knocked on its heels in the first, giving up a pair of runs, and were never able to get back in its offensive groove.
Bergen and D’Amico again had multiple hits in the second game, and Stingone continued rolling along on his customary mid-summer batting streak, going 2-for-2 with a walk, and scoring both of the Bad News’ runs.
Running his team with the charm of Robert Mugabe and the even-handedness of Kim Jong-il, small measures of justice were meted out to the Daily News’ manager/pitcher/tyrant in an attempted 4th-inning take-out at the plate by Alicia Korney, and again, via a late-game pegging in the back, courtesy of Bergen’s cannon.
On a happier note, merry-making was made late into the night at the post-game Jeremy’s sendoff for second basewoman Chrissy Korney, who has returned north in search of saner pastures following two years of molding young minds in the Bronx. Korney ended her Bad News career with an RBI single in the seventh, and made a couple of key plays along the way to keep the Bad News in the second game.
Next game (Updated!): Tuesday, June 30 at Central Park. It was a forfeit by Silver Lining, though with the aid of two Dominicans and a couple of Bad News defectors, they played one heck of a scrimmage. Next up is the single-elimination playoffs.
After cooling their heels for 90 minutes, before shaking off the doldrums during a sluggish first inning (all thanks to the Commish's first customary scheduling snafu of the season), the Bad News channeled their restlessness into softball, pummeling Macy's in a 12-to-1 win.
The News got hot in the second inning, scoring four runs, and played solid for the remainder of the game, stringing together a run or three in every inning. Fine games were had by all at both the plate and in the field, with notable highlights including Alicia Korney's stellar 5-for-5 performance at the plate (an unconfirmed first in Bad News team history), and Jay Bergen's vacuum-esque performance at short. David DaCosta also earned yet another win with a slightly-more-than 27-pitch outing, a feat marred only by his failure to lug his lusciousness across home plate before being tagged out in the third.
Despite strong efforts from Korney and DaCosta, the M15 Committee named Bergen Player of the Game, due to a fantastic job coaching first base. Bergen's gentle tutelage and unparalleled baseball intuition left Bad News base runners with no choice but to follow his advice without a second thought.
The evening ended fittingly, with Macy's attempting to befriend the Bad News at Jeremy's, only to be rebuffed as the Bad Newsers celebrated the victory by drinking Macy's $12-dollar champagne and consuming their leftover corn chip (singular).
And, as if that wasn't enough excitement, buy a goodbye beer for second basewoman Chrissy Korney, and wish both Jay Bergen and Damian Nash a happy birthday.
Freed from the confines of the Coleman Oval for the first time this season, the Bad News delivered a shellacking to Transurban, triumphing in 2 and 2/3 innings after Transurban threw a hissy fit and quit. By then, the score was already 25-2, and the time for saving face was long past.
In a game full of offensive feats, the Bad News batted around not once, but twice, in the first inning -- and the first time through the order, every single one of the Bad Newsers would reach base and come around to score. Both Jay Bergen and Dave DaCosta contributed a pair of hits (Bergen with a homer, DaCosta with two triples) and a handful of RBIs, while Franc Crisafulli's already bloated average soared to a hefty .818 after another perfect evening (and a home run) at the plate. But the gaudiest stat line of the night belonged to Manager Damian "No Mercy" Nash (4-for-4, 2 HRs, 4 runs scored and 8 RBIs).
All that aside, Player of the Game honors was definitively awarded to Alicia Korney for maintaining some semblance of an accurate stat sheet. So there. Now I'm taking my (borrowed) bases and going home. I'm serious. I'm making a "Wrap it up" motion with my arm as I type this. This ump is totally unfair. I'm leaving. For real. Just try and stop me.
Next game (Updated!): The Bad News won't play again until Tuesday, June 17, when they take on Macy's at 6 p.m. at the Coleman Oval.
In a game where the home team always seemed to be several runs a step behind, the Bad News suffered its first loss of the season last Monday, falling to Team Tuttle by the score of 13-7.
The News did show some signs of scrappiness over the course of the game. Down by four and with two outs in the second, Frank Stingone had a big hit, bringing home a pair of runners to get the News back in the game. Stingone would go on to repeat the feat in the sixth, as the News mustered a bit of a rally, getting its first three runners on. Not to be out-Franked, Franc Crisafulli continued his torrid pace at the plate, raising his average to .778 on the season with a perfect 3-for-3 day.
Finally, Nicole Chantharaj provided some key post-game prophesizing, noting that while the Bad News had beaten Team Tuttle during the 2007 regular season, in the end, the News succumbed to Tuttle in a play-off nail biter. Parse that statement as you will.
Next game: The Bad News won't take the field again until Monday, June 2, at 7:15 p.m., when the team faces Transurban at the sandlot known as DeWitt Clinton.
In an annual rite of spring, Scared Hitless (The Team Formerly Known as the Screaming Yaks), fell to the Bad News in six innings, by the score of 9-4.
The renaming proved foolishly prophetic, as Scared Hitless saw its serious attempts at a rally thwarted in successive innings by the Bad News middle infield. Shortstop Jay Bergen got a bit dusty in closing out the third inning, smothering a ball hit up the middle and flipping it to second baseman Chrissy "Nice & Easy" Korney to get the bases-loaded out. Then, in the fourth, and with two runs already in, Korney made a nice play on a ball hit hard to her right, recording the 4-3 out and making her big sister very proud in the process.
Pat O'Leary and Franc Crisafulli provided the bulk of the offensive firepower for the Bad News, with O'Leary going 3-for-4 with three runs scored, and Crisafulli going 3-for-3 with three RBIs. But the game ball had to go to Rachel "More Than Just the Fourth Girl" Jenkins, who caught the full game with no complaint, and delivered timely knocks, going 1-for-3 and driving in four of the Bad News' runs.
Next game: Monday, May 19, at 7:15 p.m. The Bad News takes on Team Tuttle (who was responsible for the team's 2007 playoff loss) at the Coleman Oval.
Here's the schedule for the '08 Bad News. As usual, most of the games will be held at the good 'ole Coleman Oval, located at the corner of Market and Monroe Streets:
Scrimmages Weeks 1 & 2
Regular Season Week 3: Monday, May 5 at 7:15 p.m. - Coleman Oval Legal Aid Society @ Bad News (W, 6-1)
Week 4: Tuesday, May 13 at 6 p.m. - Coleman Oval Bad News @ Screaming Yaks (W, 9-4)
Week 5: Monday, May 19 at 7:15 pm - Coleman Oval Team Tuttle @ Bad News (L, 13-7)
Week 6: Monday, May 26 at 7:15 pm - DeWitt Innovation @ Bad News (Holiday, To Be Rescheduled)
Week 7: Monday, June 2 at 7:15 pm - DeWitt Bad News @ Transurban (W, 25-2)
Week 8: Bye Week
Week 9: Tuesday, June 17 at 6 p.m. - Coleman Oval Bad News @ Macy's (W, 12-1)
Week 10: Friday, June 27 at 6 pm - Coleman Oval Silver Lining @ Bad News (W, 11-2)
Friday, June 27 at 7:15 pm - Coleman Oval NY Daily News @ Bad News (L, 6-2)
Week 11: Tuesday, July 1 at 7:15 pm - Central Park, Heckscher Bad News @ Silver Lining (W, Forfeit)
Week ??: Game 9 TBD
Playoffs Game 1: Monday, July 7 at 7:15 pm - Coleman Oval Innovation @ Bad News (W, 4-0)
Game 2: Wednesday, July 16 at 7:15 pm - East River Drive Bad News @ Team Tuttle (W, 6-0)
Game 3: Monday, July 21 at 6 pm - Coleman Oval Bad News @ TBD
While it's still anyone's guess as to when the Commish will get around to hosting her annual Holiday Soiree (and presenting us with our official trophies, frames, and/or paper certificates of participation), and in spite of a tough loss in the playoffs, let it be known that the Bad News did take first-place in the league's Northern Division last year. Here's the final standings:
1 - The Bad News (7-2) 2 - Innovation (6-2) 3 - Team Tuttle (5-4) 4 - NY Daily News (5-4) 5 - Macy’s (4-5) 6 - Legal Aid Society (4-5) 7 - Screaming Yaks (2-7) 8 - Silver Lining (0-9)
So there's closure on the 2007 season for you. Hope everyone's enjoyed the off-season and is raring to go for a repeat in '08. I'll let Freddie take it from here.
